Happy, Sad. Empty Nester.
It’s now over 2 months into empty nesting. About mid July, we were unsure if we were going to be empty nesters and our focus became on something else so instead of having the slow ease into it, we found out 4 days before move in, our son was indeed attending college this fall. So those remaining 4 days were about organization, mad buying, and logistics. No matter how much I thought about it since the summer of his junior year, nothing prepared me or my husband for the heartbreak of that first ride home from move in day. And he’s only an hour away. It was so much bigger than him sleeping somewhere else, it was the loss of the family unit how we had known it. The bed time conversations, the quick dog pets coming in and out of his room, the morning arguments getting ready for school, the midnight conversations with my husband about their sports teams, the waking up on the weekend knowing those closest to you are safe.
We were out with friends the weekend after he left, both empty nesters themselves, one more recent then the other, and one of them asked us what are plans are. You have to have a plan. My husband and I looked at each other and laughed as our plan has been focused on our only child figuring out what he was going to do after high school. It was not an easy road. Our son was unsure if college was right for him and while that is a completely valid concern, you need to have a backup plan if it’s not. He did not. So by the time he got to college, we were mentally exhausted. While it’s early, our son is settling in so we have had some time to breathe and think about those important questions our friends asked. I’m just starting to come out of the factory of sadness (as Tubby says) and starting to think about what comes next in between the stabs of memories that hit you unexpectedly. I noticed they are the little things such as using one of the mugs we all knew was our son’s so we didn’t use it. Passing the neighborhood pumpkin patch knowing those days will never happen again. Hearing a sports quote or nugget and not being able to knock on his door to tell him about it. And while I bitched about the amount of times I had to buy groceries, the first trip to the store after he moved in was torture roaming the aisles for food I won’t be buying.
Don’t get me wrong. There are many upsides adjusting to this new life. Waking up in the morning and finding a clean kitchen. Having less scheduled time for intimacy with my husband. Morning and late night nagging sessions. Our laundry loads and energy bills declining. Fighting over the bathroom.
This new phase is a rollercoaster of emotions, for everyone including the dog. And can we just say how cruel it must be for dogs when their best friend moves away and they have no idea why and at the same time, be the therapy pet for the empty nesters. We really don’t deserve the dogs.
I’m excited to see where this next stage takes our son and ourselves. And to all my friends that I didn’t check in on enough when they became empty nesters, I’m so sorry. I had no idea.
-BT
